Ethan Slater’s Ex-Wife ‘Didn’t Understand’ Their ‘Growing Distance’ as He Filmed Wicked

• Lilly Jay, who was married to Wicked actor Ethan Slater prior to his relationship with costar Ariana Grande, published an essay in The Cut about their divorce
• Jay said she “didn’t understand the growing distance between” her and Slater when they moved to the U.K. in late 2022 for him to film Wicked after welcoming their first baby
• The exes finalized their divorce in September
  

Ethan Slater’s ex-wife Lilly Jay is reflecting on the confusing time prior to their split.

On Thursday, Dec. 19, The Cut published an essay written by Jay, a clinical psychologist who specializes in women’s mental health. She was married to Wicked actor Slater, 32, for five years prior to their separation in July 2023.

They share a son, whom they welcomed in August 2022, and Slater is now dating Wicked costar Ariana Grande after she also separated from her ex-husband Dalton Gomez.

Jay shared that she survived a life-threatening birth complication called preeclampsia while welcoming their baby just months before moving to the U.K. with Slater in late 2022 so he could join the cast of director Jon M. Chu’s two-part movie adaptation of Wicked. 

“As a perinatal psychologist, I knew all the statistics — how vulnerable a marriage is in the postpartum period, how vital community connection is in preventing depression and anxiety, how new parenthood impacts a whole family — but I confidently moved to another country with my 2-month-old baby and my husband to support his career,” she wrote. ”

Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn’t understand the growing distance between us.”

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Slater and Jay, who were high school sweethearts, officially finalized their divorce in September. Wicked, the movie where Slater and Grande, 31, first met, released on Nov. 22 and quickly grew into one of the most popular movies of 2024. The sequel, Wicked: For Good, is in theaters November 2025.

Jay, who doesn’t mention Grande by name in the essay, wrote that she has avoided using social media since she was 18 and noted that it was a talking point between her and Slater during their relationship, given that, as an actor, he “was on a different path, in which social media and exposure were not impediments but rather necessities.”

“It was a tenuous balance — my profession, which requires privacy, and his, which is measured in applause — but it worked well while life was unfolding according to our plans,” she wrote.

Jay noted in the piece that she is still working on “my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage,” as she wrote that her personal life was upended by people reaching out to her to tell her they saw news about her separation and divorce.

“This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child,” she wrote.

“While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not. Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided. As for me, days with my son are sunny. Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker.”